My thoughts on Gareth Southgate’s latest Documentary - Changing the game for young men

Spending a Monday evening invested in a BBC documentary hosted by former England manager Gareth Southgate, was not on my bingo card. 

As a feminist, someone who spends a lot of time on social media (either by choice, or via my job), and as someone who spends her working hours looking at how communities communicate online, my guard is usually up when it comes to mainstream discussions about “young men in crisis.” Too often, these narratives can feel dangerously close to making excuses for toxic behavior, or drifting into the murky waters of the “manosphere.”

But because I really like Gareth and the way he led the England squad, (and because I’m really trying to get on the World Cup hype this year, even though he’s no longer manager) I decided to give Changing the Game for Young Men a watch, and I’m actually really glad I did. 

This is what struck me:

What struck me first was what wasn’t in it. At the moment, it’s really hard to ignore things like the manosphere, and the terrifying messages that people like Andrew Tate put out,  and to be honest, I think it’s a good thing that we’re aware of the impact that this can have on young men and how they perceive women. (And yes, I have my own opinions on how Louis Theroux’s Manosphere documentary focused on these men, over how it made the women feel). 

However, Gareth made a deliberate choice which he has since spoken about. He decided not to give them the air time. No mentions, no clips, no added publicity.

Instead, he focused on the everyday struggles that boys and young men are facing across the UK. Poor mental health, bad grades, and a real struggle to get into (and stay in) work. 

I spoke with my husband about this and we both agreed that we’ve not seen a show before that is dedicated entirely to male focused issues without framing them solely through the lens of the problems women face. It was refreshing to see these boys looked at not as a “problem” because of the actions of men before them, but as human beings who are clearly struggling and need help. I also really like the point that was made about needing to help these boys, not to stop VAWG (although that is an extremely needed outcome), but because they’re human beings and they deserve all the help they can get.

Gareth travelled outside the typical London bubble, heading to places like Middlesbrough and a secondary school in Essex, and what struck me was his ability to connect with these people. Yes, he’s Gareth Southgate, and yes he’s arguably one of the most successful and famous England managers we’ve ever had. They automatically admire him. But even so, he’s still a grown up trying to talk to boys about their feelings. I didn’t have high hopes for him to be honest.

Even though his life experiences are a world away from an unemployed 19 year old or a young inmate in prison, his willingness to share his own failures and vulnerabilities earned him instant respect. He was relatable, not patronising, and you can tell he really wants to know what they’re going through, without judgement. He met them where they live, study and work rather than getting them to come to a studio in London and that speaks volumes.

The documentary raised some big questions about structure, work, and education. There was a lot of discussion about schooling and the curriculum, with suggestions that some boys need more practical, vocational opportunities (like construction, mirroring how students have historically been offered hair and beauty).

When watching this part of the doc, this is where I felt my “but what about the girls?” instincts kick in. We absolutely need a balance here, we can’t promote what boys need to the detriment of girls’ education. It’s also worth noting something the documentary didn’t mention was the well-documented research around how girls’ learning environments can sometimes be disrupted or deprioritised due to managing boys’ behavioural issues in the classroom.

However, the biggest call to action from Gareth is that these young people need male mentors desperately. Someone to look up to and give them a bit of a steer when they need it. He really emphasised that this doesn’t have to be a male parent either. A neighbour, a teacher, a football coach (to be stereotypical) can all make a huge, positive difference to their lives.

Gareth has spoken before about how educating and looking after boys now creates a better, safer environment for women and girls, and in this doc, he didn’t shy away from mentioning Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) either. 

With the next World Cup on the horizon, the timing of this conversation feels right, especially because we know all too well the devastating reality of how major tournaments can be a starting point for domestic abuse.

It instantly made me think of the award-winning “He’s Coming Home” campaign by Women’s Aid and creative agency House 337 in 2024. By using the song we all know and love, they created a campaign that was absolutely chilling. They brilliantly challenged football culture to highlight the domestic abuse emergency, and it went viral for good reason.

The campaign generated over 23 million views on TikTok alone and more importantly, it translated directly into action. Women’s Aid saw a 78% spike in website traffic driven by social media and a 44% rise in donations.

As Gareth rightly emphasised, we shouldn’t be helping young men and boys simply as a transactional way to make life safer for girls. They are human beings, they are hurting, and they deserve support in their own right, full stop.

But it is still entirely right to bring VAWG into this conversation, in my opinion. When we look at the campaign’s data, alongside the spikes in donations, Women’s Aid saw a 17% rise in visits to their Information and Support pages.

If we want to successfully stop VAWG and prevent the need for these harrowing campaigns in the future, we have to look at the precursor to the behaviour. We have to address the root causes of male isolation, the lack of positive male role models at home, and the lack of hope a generation of boys is feeling, even though these lads deserve support in their own right.

This documentary is well worth a watch, even if you’re slightly sceptical like I was. Watching it really made me look at how important communicating effectively with vulnerable people really is.

In the context of the World Cup, if you work in Emergency Services, you’ll already be thinking about the challenges of this tournament, especially with the games showing late at night and early in the morning. It really is the perfect storm for heaving drinking/ drug use and potential anti-social behaviour. The temptation when putting messages out around safety during the World Cup is to lecture, but as Gareth shows us, the key is really getting on the level of the people you’re talking to and being respectful. Similarly, if you work in Education comms, this documentary is well worth a watch as a bit of research into why we must treat young boys as individuals rather than blaming them for the actions of previous generations. At Orlo, helping our customers communicate well is something we really believe can make all the difference when it comes to delivering difficult comms that are often not just black and white.

If we want a safer, better society for everyone, we have to be brave enough to have these nuanced conversations, and realise that these young lads need our help, and that they shouldn’t be held responsible for the actions of men who have come before them. By changing the game of how we talk about young men and to them, Gareth certainly proved it’s time to stop treating them like they’re the problem, and start helping them with very real challenges they’re facing.